I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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