Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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