Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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