She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
