Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
