hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
