Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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