I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
