My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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