I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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