No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
