When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
