have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
