singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She told me I should be a condom model.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
