he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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