Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
