Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
