So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
