But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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