"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
