out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
