Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
PANTIES FOUND
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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