Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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