i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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