are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
