when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
