Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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