and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
