im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
