I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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