3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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