i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
