Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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