I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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