I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
