i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
