We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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