I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
