i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
