we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
