How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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