We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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