Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
