we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
