did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
