I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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