im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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