well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
