with your own penis?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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