This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
