A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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