You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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