Your dad touched me again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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