I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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