I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
