I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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