Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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