look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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