Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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