She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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