I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
foreskin is a definite game changer
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize